Be Happy, Eat Cake!

I wanted chocolate cake for Christmas. Not just any chocolate cake, Costco chocolate cake. The fact that it’s from Costco, a store specializing in selling things in bulk, should already tell you I’m dealing with a lot. A lot of chocolate, a lot of cake, a lot of everything. The cake is moist, it has the cholate filling in the middle, and I even like the frosting! It makes sense; then, for a holiday meant to focus on being grateful, I am ready to be grateful for chocolate cake.

Imagine my horror when the day before Christmas, I went to Costco and found no cake in the bakery. None. The shelves were bare. I stood there in the bakery isle, flabbergasted. How can a store that specializes in having things in bulk run out of anything? Right then, one of the workers, a young gentleman, came around the corner pushing a silver metal rack. On it, he has cakes. That was close. I wait patiently as he puts them on the shelves. I’m lying. I’m circling the cake shelf like a vulture circling a meal. He finally finishes, and I move in for the kill. There’s vanilla cake. There’s chocolate cake. And then there is what they all have in common; they all say Happy Birthday. Why is there birthday cake for Christmas? Surely if you are born on the same day as Jesus, you forfeit your right to a birthday. It’s not like sharing your birthday with a famous person. When you share a birthday with a famous person, you are at least more important to the people around you. Share a birthday with Jay Z? Sure. You got 99 problems, but a birthday ain’t one. Share a birthday with Jesus? Nope. You can’t be more important than the dude saving the WHOLE world someday. The day before Christmas, there shouldn’t be birthday cake; there should just be cake.

Then, I get inspired by something a co-worker did. He’s a pretty cool dude: average height and build, dark hair, and a phenomenal baker. Always bringing in these great creations to eat at work. He’s also a bit of a jokester. The cool baking dude told me about a time that, as a joke, he made a birthday cake for Christmas. He convinced everyone that showed up for dinner that 1) this has always been a family tradition for him and 2) anyone not singing Happy Birthday to Jesus is a sinner and should repent. He now makes a birthday cake for Christmas ever since.

This year, we had birthday cake for Christmas. We didn’t sing happy birthday, but I gave Jesus a birthday shout-out when I said the dinner prayer. Remember, if you don’t celebrate Christmas, celebrate a birthday. You’ll still get cake that way.